How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

How To Start A Restaurant Business

First of all you will need to think about the type of restaurant you want to open. Primarily, restaurants are grouped into three categories: quick service or fast food, midscale where you will get a good meal for a good price, and upscale with plenty of charm and fancy cuisine. This will also be dependent upon the type of food you want to serve, and the type of customers frequent the area.

One idea is to open an ethnic restaurant such as, Italian, Mexican, French, etc.. You can open an ethnic restaurant in any of the three categories, but before you choose take a look at the demographics of your area. You may want to take a demographic survey so you can get information on:

o The ages of the customers that will eat at your restaurant business.

o What types of ethnic groups live in the surrounding area.

o The occupations and income levels near your restaurant business.

o How many people will be interested in the type of food you will be serving.

o What are the needs, in terms of services or products, of the people in your area? Will you get enough business in the area you are planning to put your restaurant business?

A competitive analysis will show you what other restaurant business are in the area and what type of competition they will give you. You can do this by going to the restaurants as a customer, and checking out the menu to see how much they charge for their food and drink. This will help you decide how much to charge for your fare. To start your competitive survey, you should check the phone book and yellow pages in that area that have a restaurant business in the same category as yours.

The type and size of your restaurant business will determine the amount or size of the following:

o What you will need in the line of equipment.

o How many pieces of dishware, glassware, flatware, linens and napkins, you will need.

o Cooler, freezer, and storage size.

o How large your building will need to be.

o How many employees you should hire.

o How much parking you will need.

o What you will need in the line of advertising.

What will you call your restaurant business? The choice of a name should be one that reflects what you sell and will help you sell your goods. You will want all of your customers to be able to pronounce and spell the name to look it up in the phone book, or when writing a check. The name should be more creative than the competition, and represents the type of menu you are offering.

Make sure you are not stepping on someone else, check to see if the name you have chosen has been registered to someone else under a trademark. If it isn’t, make sure that you register the name with your county clerk. You should also check with the federal government to see that there are no trademarks registered through them with the name you have chosen. You can be sued for using an already registered name.

Why Holiday Villas Are Popular in Most Holiday Destinations

Holiday villas with swimming pools are becoming a very popular form of holiday accommodation with holiday makers going on a family holiday. You are now able to stay in a villa in most countries in the world.

These holiday homes are especially popular in countries with a warm climate. There is nothing better than sitting outside your holiday villa by the side of the swimming pool with a cool drink.

When choosing a villa for your vacation you need to consider very carefully what sort of holiday that you want. The first thing to consider is what sort of climate that you are looking for. There are typically holiday villas in most climates but there is a much greater selection of villa in the countries that have a warmer climate. You must decide how hot you want it to be and what time of the year you want to go away on your villa holiday.

Having decided on the climate, you must then look to see which country can offer you that climate on your vacations. Some countries may require you to get a visa to spend your vacations there and other countries that you consider for a villa holiday may require certain vaccinations before you go there. Then check how long it will take you to fly to your chosen destination and also if there are flights available.

Once you have done this you can start thinking about what sort of villa accommodation that you are looking for. There are some superb villas available around the world and they vary in price to suite just about every budget.

For holiday makers looking for a relaxing holiday by the beach it is possible to find some stunning villas with swimming pools right by coast. For families looking for a villa in the mountains there are also plenty to choose from with some offering spectacular views over the local countryside.

Most holiday villas have swimming pools. You must check to see if you want a swimming pool with your holiday villa and what size the swimming pool is. Many holiday villas also have outside barbecue areas and outdoor seating areas. In some countries that have mosquitoes you will find that some of the holiday villas have mesh screens around them to keep the bugs out.

It is possible to find holiday villas to suite almost every budget. There are some small two bedroom holiday villas and also some huge holiday home with seven or eight bedrooms. Some families like to go on a villa holiday by themselves and others like to stay in a larger holiday villa and take friends with them.

Atypical villa will have bedrooms with en-suite bathrooms. Typically the master bedroom or suite will be much larger than the other bed rooms in the villa. It will also have the best bathroom in the villa. Typically it will have a walk in shower, large bath and his and hers washbasins and a toilet. Above the washbasins will be a large mirror and below there will be plenty of storage space.

The iPhone 4 – New Features, New Design, Brand New All in One Gadget

The new iPhone is finally here. More technology packed then ever before, it sets new benchmarks for other mobile phones manufacturers that have been overwhelmed by the success of Apple's iPhone.

But I guess you're more interested in the features of then new phone rather than the impact it has on the business world so let me share with you the novelties it brings along.

Design:

The new iPhone is thinner, sleeker and better looking then its predecessors. The stainless steel looks good and refined giving it a more futuristic look. The metal buttons add to the overall feel of sturdiness without dramatically increasing the weight. It is heavier then the iPhone 3GS by only 0.1 ounces and it feels great in the hand.

Technology:

But the most obvious improvement is by far the new screen. The "Retina" is a 3.5 inch display which looks absolutely superb, mainly because its pixels are only 78 micrometers wide. It has four times more pixels then the previous version and it is by far the best display I have ever seen on a handheld device. The zoom is flawless and not a single bit of detail is lost in the process.

The "camera system" (as Steve Jobs called it) is comprised of a 5MP capturing device on the back and a VGA one on the front. The image can be shifted between cameras at any time during a video call. Apple calls this "Face Time" and although it has been praised by company officials it is pretty hard to believe it will revolutionize mobile communications or set a trend for other manufacturers to follow. It is undetected a clever feature but it is overshadowed by other technological marvels such as the flawless screen.

iMovie:

iMovie is an app that allows complex video editing like nothing I have seen before on a mobile phone. You can trim out a section of a movie, add a musical soundtrack to any clip, insert pictures in movies and many more. It costs $ 4.99 in the Apple applications store but it is really worth the money.

Conclusion:

The iPhone 4 is a great device with major improvements from the previous versions. Technology packed but also a looker it will unduly become a favorite among geeks and fashion savvy teens alike. A true all in one that certainly describes your attention.